Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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