Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
