dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
