May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry about my life...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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