I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
