Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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