She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
