Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
