Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
