you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
