I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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