i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
