remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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