Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were trust falling into bushes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
