I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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