Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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