When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
