I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
