i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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