okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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