My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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