Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
