no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
