Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's never too late to be topless.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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