with your own penis?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
