i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
