After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
