how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
