Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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