Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the day after is always just damage control
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
