Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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