also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
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Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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