I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
