I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
