dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
