My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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