Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
