I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
