I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
