Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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