I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's never too late to be topless.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
