It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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