Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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