i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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