He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
