I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
