Do you still have your period?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
