Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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