Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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