Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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