I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
