before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pants are for mortals
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