I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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