yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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