i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
