So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
