I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
