If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
