Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
