I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
