He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
