TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
