i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
