Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
