I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My feet surprised me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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