i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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