so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize