i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
