Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
