She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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