it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
