According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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